How to Feel Loved: The 5 Mindsets That Change Everything | Sonja Lyubomirsky & Harry Reis – EP 730

What if the key to true happiness isn’t more achievements, more connections, or even more love poured your way, but actually feeling loved in the moments that matter?

In this powerful episode of the Passion Struck podcast, world-renowned happiness expert Sonja Lyubomirsky and the preminent relationship researcher Harry Reis join John R. Miles to discuss their groundbreaking new book, How to Feel Loved: The Five Mindsets That Get You More of What Matters Most (Harper, February 10, 2026).

Their radical insight: Feeling loved isn’t about becoming more lovable or chasing extrinsic rewards. It’s about showing your full, vulnerable self and inviting others to do the same—through intentional shifts in how we converse and connect.

They introduce the Relationship Sea-Saw, a dynamic of reciprocity where one person lifts the other through curiosity and warmth, sparking a virtuous cycle of being truly known and valued. Through stories, science (from attachment theory to the costs of secrets), and even insights from their meeting with the Dalai Lama, they unpack why “going first” changes everything and how five practical mindsets can transform relationships of all kinds.

If you’ve ever wondered why love sometimes feels like it’s missing even when it’s present or how to make it land more deeply, this episode offers a science-backed, hopeful roadmap.

Passion Struck is the #1 alternative health podcast and personal growth podcast dedicated to human flourishing and the science of mattering. It is ranked #1 on FeedSpot’s list of the Top Passion Podcasts on the Web, and Interview Valet ranked it as one of the top 20 podcasts for business and mindset.

Check the full show notes here: https://passionstruck.com/how-to-feel-loved-sonja-lyubomirsky-harry-reis/

Download a Free Companion Reflection Guide:

Connect with John Keynote speaking, books, and podcast: https://linktr.ee/John_R_Miles

Pre-Order the Children’s Book You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/

Learn More About Sonja Lyubomirsky: https://sonjalyubomirsky.com

Learn More About Harry Reis: https://www.sas.rochester.edu/psy/people/faculty/reis_harry/

How to Feel Loved: The Five Mindsets That Get You More of What Matters Most is available wherever books are sold.

In This Episode, You Will Learn

• Why being loved doesn’t always translate to feeling loved—and the painful "mattering gap" it creates
• The 5 powerful mindsets: Sharing (vulnerability), Listening-to-Learn, Radical Curiosity, Open-Heart, and Multiplicity
• The science of responsiveness: How genuine curiosity and presence make others feel seen—and lift you in return
• Attributional ambiguity: Why extrinsic pursuits (money, status, beauty) often fail to deliver the warm glow of true love
• Lessons from the Dalai Lama: Love as a decision—treating others as "each other’s mothers" and sending loving-kindness even to those you dislike
• How feeling loved becomes a safe haven, fueling exploration, creativity, and a more psychologically rich life
• Practical first steps: One 15-minute conversation to start remaking how love lands in your relationships

Support the Movement. Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it. https://StartMattering.com

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