693: Tina Seelig - Fortune vs. Luck, The Power of Curiosity, Why Your Words Change Lives, Failure Résumés, Thank You Notes, and Creating Luck Through Relationships, Observation, & Daily Action

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The Learning Leader Show with Ryan Hawk

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My Guest - Tina Seelig has spent 27 years at Stanford teaching some of the world's most ambitious people how to see and seize opportunities. She's a neuroscientist, the executive director of Knight Hennessy Scholars, and the author of 18 books. Her TED Talk on luck has been viewed over 3.4 million times. Her newest book is called What I Wish I Knew About Luck: A Crash Course on Turning Aspirations into Achievements.

Key Learnings

Tina's dad died at 99 and a half. Three weeks before his first great-grandbaby was born. He was still driving, going to three dinner parties a week, and talking to Tina every day. His curiosity was his superpower. He gave 66 lectures in his retirement community over 20 years, on topics ranging from nuclear weapons to climate change.

Train yourself to be a professional noticer. When Tina's dad walked his grandkids into a new room, he'd give them a minute, then say "Shut your eyes." How many doors? Windows? What color is the carpet?

Assume there's a million dollars in every room. It's up to you to find it. Opportunities are ubiquitous. You just have to look.

Take the headphones off. The most powerful things happen when you engage with strangers. Standing in line. On the plane. Walking through campus.

Tina sat next to a stranger named Mark on a plane. He was a publisher. He said no to her book proposal. She kept the relationship going. Years later, his editor approved the same proposal she had given Mark. Within two weeks, she had a contract.

Wear something that invites conversation. A logo. A backpack from a conference. A college baseball shirt. Give the world a hook to start with you.

Fortune is what happens to you. Luck requires action. Most people confuse the two and miss the chance to claim their agency.

"With my luck, it's gonna rain." Reframe it: "With OUR luck, it's gonna be a beautiful sunny day." The reframe changes what you see.

Luck seldom sails solo. Most luck comes through other people. Cultivating meaningful relationships is the most underrated lucky behavior.

You don't get a job. You get the keys to the building. The visible work isn't what gets you ahead. The invisible work is.

Between stimulus and response is a choice. (Viktor Frankl) Within the constraints of fortune, agency is everything.

"Tina, you think like a scientist." One sentence from a professor changed Tina's life. Leaders, know the weight of your words.

Twenty years later, Tina wrote that professor a thank-you note. Twenty years after that, his granddaughter wrote back. They had read part of Tina's letter at his funeral.

When a student made a bad decision, Tina's first instinct was to punish. She paused. Said, "Help me understand what happened." The whole community learned what empathy and humility look like in leadership.

Unresolved conflict sucks the energy out of your day. Resolve it. You become taller, lighter, more open to lucky things.

Oliver Greenwald sent Tina a list of 10 ways he could help her with her book. Nothing on the list was exactly what she wanted. She hired him anyway, because of the initiative.

Build the sail to catch the wind.

• Build the ship. Your internal work. Values. Story. Goals.
• Recruit the crew. The people in your world.
• Hoist the sail. What you do every single day.

Your core values are the keel of your ship. Without them, the first strong wind capsizes you.

Keep a failure resume. Document what didn't work and what you'll do differently. Don't perseverate. Move on.

"It's all good in the end. If it's not good, it's not the end." We're always in the middle of the story.

Tina sends thank-you notes every single day. Five or ten minutes. Three or four sentences. Closes the loop. Builds the relationship.

Don't end the dinner without making the next date. Most people drop the ball. Get it on the calendar before you leave.

The instant you think something positive about someone, tell them. Be specific. Text. Email. Call. The instant.

Tina's champagne moment: her newborn granddaughter at one year old. She just learned to turn over and looks so proud of herself.

Reflection Questions

• What's on your failure resume right now that you haven't yet extracted the lesson from? Are you perseverating, or moving on?
• Whose thank-you note are you going to send today? Specific, genuine, unprompted.
• Where in your life are you waiting for fortune and calling it bad luck? What is the action you've been avoiding because it requires you to put yourself out there?

More Learning

#679: Kat Cole: The Four Mindsets Every Leader Needs

#669: Oz "The Mentalist" Pearlman: Overcoming Rejection, Getting the Reps, and Always Follow Up

#663: Priya Parker: The Art of Gathering: How We Meet & Why It Matters

Episode Chapters

00:00 The Price of Becoming - Pre-Order Now!

01:09 Meet Tina Seelig

02:39 Tina's Dad: A Life of Curiosity at 99 and a Half

05:14 Becoming a Professional Noticer

06:54 The Stranger on the Plane Who Became Her Publisher

11:03 Wear Something That Invites a Conversation

14:11 Fortune vs. Luck: The Difference Most People Miss

16:08 The "With Our Luck" Reframe

21:09 Take the Earbuds Off and Get Out the Door

23:21 You Don't Get a Job, You Get the Keys to the Building

27:58 The Sentence That Changed Tina's Life

28:49 The Thank-You Note Read at a Funeral

31:52 The Student Who Made a Bad Decision

34:03 Oliver Greenwald and the List of Ten Ways to Help

37:04 The Sail Metaphor: How to Catch the Winds of Luck

39:41 What to Tell the Cynic Who Says "I'm Unlucky"

43:01 Core Values: The Keel of Your Ship

45:05 Why You Should Keep a Failure Resume

47:15 Send a Thank-You Note Every Single Day

52:06 The Champagne Question: Her Granddaughter at One

53:36 EOPC